"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~Robert Brault [tweet this]
Just out of college, I was looking to start my career when I got introduced to this newly married couple. They were made for each other and especially I was fascinated by their love story with solid twists and turns. Soon we became good friends.
Photo courtesy of ©Depositphotos/zoooom
By the way, love marriages in India were still quite unusual in the society I lived, especially during those days. And those who did go that route, usually had a great story. This couple was in love since they were teenagers, carried their relationship through college, started working in corporate world and of course, had their own share of challenges. Meanwhile they managed to convince their parents for their marriage and it all worked out great. They were now having a great time in their new roles as husband and wife team.
Fast forward just a year and half into their marriage and they ended up getting divorced. Now, they hate each other and one can't stop criticizing the other for why this relationship ended this way. Nobody who knew them expected this tragic end to their marriage. But it did.
I don't intend to recount this tragic story to pass a judgment of who was right or wrong between the two. However, this story is a cautionary tale, an example for us to learn a few things about life. It is a reminder that all of us are only a few small stupid decisions away from destroying a healthy relationship, a career, a business or even our lives.
I doubt that they woke up one morning, didn't like each other and decided to get separated. I don't think they had planned it in advance to get married, try for about a year and then take a divorce to be adventurous either. So, what caused a decade old love story to end up in such bitterness so quickly after marriage?
Elephants don't bite; it's mosquitoes that get you. [tweet this]
I think it was not one big thing or two that caused this pain for this couple. Both had a few things in them that the other did not like. As humans none of us are perfect. The husband liked to take a few drinks a week that wife didn't like and the wife dressed or behaved in certain ways that the husband didn't appreciate. But these issues were there with them since ever they met and both ignored it all until the marriage. However, as they started to live together, both felt that the other now needed to change and the seeds of bitterness started to take roots.
Long story short, they made their decisions to get divorced and moved on with their individual lives. But their story reminds of the things in life we take for granted. It reminds us of how much we fight to win somebody's heart, to succeed at the new business that we start, or, to get that dream job. And then – we let complacency get in our way, we start to take things for granted and destroy that excitement, and in the end, that relationship or that dream!
All that we say and do – matters and makes an impact on our lives. All our words and actions have their consequences and therefore, we must be intentional about our lives.
Here are the 5 important things I think we ought to take care of on a daily basis in order to protect us from the disease of complacency. I hope you find them useful as I found them personally:
- To live intentionally, we need to know our major purpose in life. We must identify that purpose, write down our dreams and goals and review them everyday.
- We must learn to count our blessings everyday. Feeling negative is automatic about anything. But it takes conscious effort to develop a positive mental attitude and we must be intentional about it.
- When we get an urge to do new things, ask to self, "By this activity, am I moving ahead in the direction of my life's major purpose?" If the answer is not positive – do not do it.
- We all can get distracted once in a while and that is when the master mind alliance is so important. We need a support group of people we love and trust so that they can help us get back on track when we do get off the track.
- Develop a habit of finding good in other people. For example, identify at least 3 people everyday to give them some compliments about the good things they have within themselves. This makes a tremendous difference not only in their lives, but in ours as well.
Your Turn To Share
Why do you think people lose the excitement about things they were once passionate about? Why does that love, that passion fade away after sometime and how do you suggest one can keep that passion, that love – alive? Please share your thoughts in the comments now.
Great post Kumar! Really made me think about life, how important it
is and how short it is. To value our loved ones and accepting them as they are is to value our lives.
Attitude is such little thing that makes all the difference in the world. Bad attitude I think is the reason why people lose out on their dreams, their passions. Your 5 pointers are directed towards fixing our attitudes little by little.
You are right Santosh. It’s all in the attitude and that is the hardest daily battle. Thank you for responding.
As usual, great post! I am so thankful to the mentorship program that allowed us to create our support group, to have our mastermind group that keeps us on track. I now realize how much blessed we truly are to have so many friends who care and who have supported us through the years.
Having a support group, people we can love and trust and those who can uplift us when we personally feel down, is so critical to keep the dream alive. I think that is the key.
And we are thankful for having you both in our lives and blessing us with your infinite wisdom. Thank you for everything that you both continue to do for us.
I remember you mentioning about this couple a few times in the past in some of your training sessions. This is really an eye opener and a good reminder as you rightly said to know what is important.
Small decisions that we make have compounding effect on our lives and they define our attitudes. Thank you for sharing such inspiring thought with us today. Sharing these nuggets with our team here!!!
Awesome Mayank. You are right. Whenever I think of this couple, it always reminds me of what is important in life.
Awesome post Bhaiya.. Only an acute keen observer can feel these things..Thanks for sharing!!
You are very welcome Ankit. Keep up the great work!
Thank you Kumar for the great post! I believe that we as human beings become complacent and take things for granted. Taking for granted that people we love will change for us in time because they love us….taking it for granted that love is enough to hide the pain…. it’s not!!!!
We forget to accept one another as we are and allowing one another to be fully self expressed. We forget to nurture one another and communicate with love and compassion instead of harshness…..
Always look for the beauty in your partner and look for their positive traits and not the negative ones…the more you dwell on the negative, the bigger the issue becomes….even the mole becomes a mountain in time. Every day find just one thing that you truly adore/love about your partner and in a special way, tell them how much you appreciate them. The love will never diminish but grow ten folds!!
Thank you Kumar to be part of this amazing team!!
In gratitude,
Jagica
Wow! Absolutely wonderful words Jagica! We must find an opportunity to explicitly to let the people we love and respect that we feel that way. That is what makes the world go around.
Loved your commentary and thank you for sharing in such details.
Regards,
Kumar
Kumar… a truly wonderful reminder to us all of the importance of remembering that to be HUMANE begins with being HUMAN.
To actively engage in the process of understanding one another… to continually cherish one another… to always remember, despite being less than perfect, that we may still be perfect for each other even though we have some different interests… to always take time for one another… to always keep our spirit of communication uplifting… these are important truths.
As I say, “Life is too short to live in a hurry… Life is too long for heartache and worry.”
May this cautionary tale you have shared serve to bless others.
Thank you Bill. Life is really too short to live in a hurry and it is worth taking a pause to think and appreciate the things we are blessed with. Thanks for your awesome thoughts!
You’re very welcome Kumar.
I also enjoy finding out about those who are really making a difference in the
lives of others. I just found out about Josh Shipp. http://joshshipp.com/lifetime/
You may find this compelling, as I do.
Blessings!
Great post! Mr. Kumar …
The story is awesome …
to answer your question I believe
People wrongly associate the wide variety of feelings felt at the beginning of a relationship / marriage with genuine love. The problem with feelings is that it changes, and to expect to keep the same feelings for a lifetime is unrealistic for human being.
There will be many situations when you may angry with each other, and there will be times when you don’t want to be near each another, and there will be times when it will be very easy to give up. If your relationship or marriage is based on the feelings of being in love, your marriage won’t survive.
I strongly believe, marriage is like a long journey down arugged jeep trail, and you have to have the right vehicle in order to make the happy trip. You can’t expect to go very far or to even reach the end of it in an Indy car or in a low profile car—you have to have something that is built to meet all of the challenges during the journey. Likewise, you can’t begin your marriage with only the feelings of being in love, and expect to be together in your golden years. A breakdown is inevitable.
When a couple loves each other, youthful feelings give way to deep, unspoken commitment. A gentle touch and even eye contact from your spouse can communicate more than words can utter. We’ve all seen the elderly couple who still hold hands, and who are still in love with each other—this is how they did it.
Awesome Ranjan ji. Marriage is part of the life and it’s a commitment like any other. Accountability, respect for each other in the relationship and a vision to make it a success is needed for it to sustain the test of time.
Just feelings won’t be enough to make a success at anything, let alone marriage. Thanks for sharing your awesome thoughts.